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I'm no longer writing on this blog. The new blog is over here: Pursuit of Redemption.

Category: Askew

A Chivalrous Pantsing

Posted by – 3/8/10

This is the preferred way of handling a bully. Pants them.

KFC: The Best and Worst of Viral Marketing

Posted by – 5/6/09

Yesterday at work, word spread like wildfire that Oprah has just given everyone in America free chicken. FREE CHICKEN! Woooo!

One of the girls at work got particularly excited and keep telling everyone, “Oprah dot com slash KFC!”

I called some friends, and several of us made plans to hit up the nearest KFC. It was across town, but that’s no matter. FREE CHICKEN!

After a 15 minute car ride, including the interstate, we walked into the restaurant. There was a little bit of a line, but only 4 people ahead of us.

Ten minutes later? Still 4 people. We start murmuring. “What’s going on here?”

I craned my neck around to see what was going on, and the employees looked like they weren’t aware of the economy and that they should be glad to have a job. What the heck… FREE CHICKEN!

Forty-five minutes later, we’re finally at the front of the line. Of course, the girl taking the orders is also the girl filling the orders. With gusto? Not at all. Apparently everyone else is on break. And staring at me.

At this point, I’m engaging in some serious people-watching of the employees. Then my attention turns to the manager, and she appears poised to break down and sob at any moment. Apparently she finds no pride in being a General Manager of a restaurant.

It was right smack in the middle of my sympathy that the GM then took her hand and transferred to it the excess snot from her nose.

Ohhhhh! So that’s why I haven’t been to KFC in years!

“Hey, so… the general manager just snotted her hand and didn’t wash. You two want to go somewhere else and get food?” Blank stares from the whole line. Mission accomplished. (It was the KFC at 5802 Charlotte Avenue in Nashville, just in case you’re wondering where you should never go for chicken, free or otherwise.)

Apparently my horrible experience with KFC and Coupon-gate (I’m the first, woo!) isn’t isolated, though I think the New Yorkers staging a sit-in and demanding free chicken probably took it too far. What sort of world are those folks living in that a franchise refusing to honor a coupon deserves the same treatment that folks a generation ago gave the lunch counters to achieve civil rights?

My idea of a fairness doctrine

Posted by – 3/20/09

How about we also require the news stations to interview all the losers of the Lotto whenever they interview the winners? The 9 and a half years it would take to get through interviewing the losers would certainly put a damper on all the misguided attempts to win the lottery.

Sheesh, how my state of Tennessee ever allowed a state sanctioned lottery under the pretense of “for the children” (notice a theme with government programs?) I’ll never know. It’s a poor tax to the highest degree.

(More on those odds in this video, about 7 minutes in.)

Kid After Dentist

Posted by – 2/3/09

Get the Flash Player to see this content.

Just because it’s hilarious. Original here (for now).

On being casual in New Zealand

Posted by – 1/17/09

n34100441_32081559_1890Yes, they’re apparently very laid back in New Zealand. This is a photo from an actual convenience store that my friend Stacey took while roaming around in Kiakora. (I’d link back to her, but she posted it on Facebook, and I’m pretty sure it’s a private link to the outside world.)

Posted by – 1/10/09

And oh, oh– Well, you know how it feels if you begin hoping for something that you want desperately badly; you almost fight against the hope because it is too good to be true; you’ve been disappointed so often before… But it was no good trying to throttle this hope. It might–really, really it just might be true. So many odd things had happened already.

- The Magician’s Nephew, p. 92

Quote of the Day

Posted by – 12/15/08

“You wanna know another key to success? … Dress every day like you gonna get murdered in those clothes.”

- Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock

Quote of the Day

Posted by – 12/9/08

“The Italians have a saying, Lemon. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. And although they’ve never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this area they are correct.”

- Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock

Quote of the Day

Posted by – 12/8/08

“Fallacies do not cease to be fallacies because they become fashions.”

- G.K. Chesterton

Libertarians for Obama

Posted by – 10/31/08

This is the kind of genius that I wish I could churn out. Hmm… maybe if I got more sleep…

I do admit I am a little worried about Ahmedwhatshisname getting nukes and Putin rolling into Europe, with only Obama’s charisma to stop them.  I had never really thought of let’s all play nicely together as a foreign policy since it doesn’t even work with kids.  But hey, is that really my problem?  He has like a zillion brilliant foreign policy advisers and I’m sure they’ll figure something clever out.  I can no longer afford a trip to Israel anyway and I assume pictures of it will be archived on the internet.